To Be a Mother Read online

  Nick turned toward Samantha. “I already love our baby. I’m prepared to shower it with all the love I have in me. How about you, Sam?”

  “I don’t know, Nick. This wasn’t something we planned. You might grow to resent me and the baby later.”

  “There’s no ‘might’ about it,” her father declared.

  “You don’t have the right to speak for me, Mr. Bretton.” Emotion caused the cords in Nick’s neck to stand out. “All I can see is that Sam and I will have a brilliant future with our child. I intend to take care of the two of them forever. The day she turns eighteen we’ll get married.”

  Her dad shook his head. “You’re deluding yourself if you think our daughter will be ready for such a step.”

  “Maybe neither of us is ready, but I’m going to at least try,” Nick said, still staring at her. “I’ll be the one taking care of our baby, Sam. I’m the father. God gave me that divine right, and no court will take it away from me.”

  His head swerved toward her parents once more. “If in the end your daughter is swayed by your arguments and opts to forgo marriage and motherhood, then let me give you fair warning. I’ll hire the best attorney around and sue for full custody of our baby, because there’s no way under heaven I’ll let it be put up for adoption.”

  “Nick!” Samantha cried, running after him because he’d wheeled around and disappeared out the front door. “Wait!” she called into the wintry darkness. “I’ll drive you back to the center!”

  But he’d broken into a run and was gone.

  “Let him be, honey. It’s better this way,” her father murmured as he shut the door. “He needs his space to think about everything. By the time you deliver the baby, the two of you will have spent six months apart. He’ll have finished another semester. It’ll give him the perspective to understand that your mother and I were right about this.”

  Samantha stood there with her wet face buried in her hands. “No, Daddy. He’s not going to change. You don’t know him the way I do. Nick’s a man of deep convictions. That’s why I love him.”

  “He’s still a boy. Not even twenty-one. One day when you’re both all grown up, you’ll fall in love with other people and it’ll be right.”

  Her mom put her arm around her shoulders. “Listen to your father, honey. Concentrate on giving the baby to a wonderful couple who want a child more than anything in the world and can’t wait to have a family.”

  “Mom,” Samantha blurted, “you heard Nick. He said he was going to keep it!”

  “I agree he gave a very impassioned speech. I’m sure he meant it at the moment. But that was the impetuosity of youth talking.”

  “Your mother took the words right out of my mouth, honey. In a few months, another girl will catch Nick’s eye. He’ll be thankful for his freedom, and relieved that the baby will be going to a perfect home with loving parents waiting to dote on it.” Sam’s father put a protective arm around her.

  “Come on. It’s time for bed. Tomorrow I have a surprise for you. The old Tudor mansion you’ve always loved on Sixth Avenue in the country club area is for sale. A Denver Realtor is going to show us through it at eleven.”

  Once upon a time nothing could have excited Samantha more. Now nothing mattered. Not friends or school, or where she lived. Not even Nick, who’d said all the right things tonight. Did he really mean them?

  If she hadn’t gotten pregnant, would he have asked her to marry him? Or was her mother right and he’d only said those things in the heat of the moment because he’d felt obliged and guilty? To marry him without knowing how he truly felt would be horrible.

  They would be another one of the many couples in the world who’d made a mistake.

  As Samantha’s mother was quick to point out, Samantha’s best friend, Brenda, had an older sister who’d gotten pregnant in high school and had married the boyfriend she thought she couldn’t live without. But six months after the baby came, he took off and never returned.

  With the inevitable divorce she turned bitter and started dating other guys, while her parents took over the responsibility of raising their grandchild along with their other children.

  Brenda’s sister never went to college and eventually left home. She rarely saw her child, leaving their whole family in upheaval. If she had done the sensible thing and given up her child for adoption, all their lives would have been different. Better.

  “Nick has his dreams, too, Samantha,” her father reasoned with her. “But if you marry, he’ll have to put them on hold for years while you’re in school at Harvard. Do you really think he’ll stay the course? Don’t you know he’ll come to resent you?”

  OVER THE NEXT few months her parents’ arguments dominated her fears. Once her family had moved to Denver, Samantha went through the motions of living, of visiting the doctor, of being a part-time student. Yet because of her doubts she refused to see Nick, who called her every day without fail.

  Each time she heard his voice, she grew more confused and heartsick. On her birthday he sent her an engagement ring by courier. In the letter that accompanied it, he asked her to marry him. Though it wrenched her heart, she sent everything back, convinced he felt trapped.

  Nick still kept calling. When the day finally came and she started having contractions, she phoned him because she’d promised she would let him know the baby was on the way. Throughout her long labor she knew Nick was out in the hall waiting.

  The doctor understood she was giving the baby up for adoption. As soon as it was delivered, he took it away before she could get a look at it.

  Her parents were there to comfort her. They said it was for the best that she didn’t see the baby. That way she wouldn’t form an attachment.

  Both sets of her grandparents came to the hospital. They sided with her parents. All agreed that giving up the baby was the right thing for her to do.

  But Nick came to her room in the middle of the night. He kissed her lips gently and begged her to let him bring in their beautiful little daughter, who had red-gold hair like her mother. She could tell by the way he spoke that he was enamored of the baby, but that didn’t mean he was enamored of Samantha.

  She shut her eyes against him, too vulnerable and afraid to believe his avowal of love. They quarreled.

  He gave her one last chance to tell him she would marry him. When she remained silent, he told her she wouldn’t be seeing him again, and he left the room.

  Contrary to what Samantha’s parents had assumed would happen, Nick did sue for and obtain full and sole custodial rights of Jessica Kincaid, infant daughter of Nicholas Pratt Kincaid and Samantha Frost Bretton, born June 25 at Stapleton Regional Hospital, Denver, Colorado.

  “DR. LOFSKY? Thank you for returning my call. As I told you in my message two days ago, my name is Samantha Bretton. I’m an attorney in Coeur D’Alene, Idaho, working for the Idaho National Wildlife Federation. At the moment I’m trying to reach a field biologist named Nicholas Kincaid.

  “The placement office at Colorado State in Fort Collins indicated he went to work for the Rocky Mountain Biological Research Lab after graduating with his master’s degree nine years ago. Is there any way you could tell me if he’s still on the staff there?”

  “The name’s familiar. Just a minute while I transfer you to Dr. Crapo’s office. He’ll be able to help you.”

  “Thank you.” Could it be this easy to track him? Samantha squeezed the pen in her hand while she waited.

  “Ms. Bretton? This is Dr. Crapo. I understand you’re asking about Nick Kincaid.”

  “Yes. Because of a case I’m working on, I’m very anxious to locate him.” It wasn’t a lie. She was working on a case. Her own.

  “I remember him well. He did excellent work for us on the High Elk Conservation Corridor Project. That was before he turned traitor after a year and accepted a position at Grand Teton National Park.” The doctor chuckled.

  The Tetons! “Is he a ranger then?”

  “That I don’t know, but we sure hate
d losing him.”

  It was all she could do not to ask a lot of personal questions about Nick, but she didn’t dare. “Thank you for the information, Dr. Crapo. I’m very grateful.”

  “You’re welcome. Good luck finding him. When you do, tell him to give me a call.”

  “I will. Goodbye.”

  She glanced at her watch. Her Friday afternoon meeting with the conservation board wouldn’t begin until two o’clock. That gave her twenty minutes to make the call.

  Without hesitation she dialed the Wyoming operator to get a phone number for Teton Park. After listening to the recorded messages she finally made contact with a live female voice.

  “You’ve reached Moose Headquarters Rangers Station. Mindy Carlson speaking.”

  “Hello. I’m sorry to bother you, but I’ve been trying to get in touch with a biologist who was hired by the park service about eight years ago. I have no idea if he’s still working there or not.”

  “What’s the name?”

  “Nicholas Kincaid.”

  “You’ve found him. He’s the resident chief ranger in charge of biological wildlife research for Teton Park.”

  Nick…

  Tears welled in Sam’s eyes. Despite the enormous responsibility of raising their daughter, he had realized his dream. Thank God for that.

  “I—is he there?”

  “He has an office here at headquarters, but he’s rarely in it. I can take a message. When he checks with me later, I’ll give him the information.”

  Think fast, Samantha. You don’t want to tip your hand yet.

  “Will you ask him to phone Lori Watts?”

  “You bet. What’s the number?”

  After she gave it to the woman Samantha said, “Tell him to call collect.”

  “Will do.”

  “Thank you very much.”

  After she hung up the receiver, she rushed out of her office to talk to the receptionist in the other room. She was breathing hard, but knew it wasn’t because of her physical health.

  “Lori? Before the day is over, you might receive a collect call from a man named Nick Kincaid. If so, the operator will ask if you’ll accept the charges. Say yes. When he identifies himself, tell him to wait a moment, then poke your head around my door so I’ll know he’s on the line.”

  “Okay.”

  Samantha didn’t know what to expect. By now Nick was thirty-three years old and undoubtedly married with a family. Jessica would be the oldest child. But maybe not. He could have met a woman with one or more children and they’d combined their families.

  Anything could have happened in the intervening years. Samantha was going to go crazy imagining the various scenarios while she waited for the call that might or might not ever come.

  If Nick were happily married, then he had a lot of things to consider once he found out who was trying to reach him on the phone.

  Besides his own violent reaction, there would be his wife’s when he told her Jessica’s birth mother was trying to make contact with the daughter she had given up.

  As for Jessica herself, she might not want anything to do with the woman who’d refused to look at her after the delivery. The heartless woman who’d resisted Nick’s pleadings to let him bring Jessica to her hospital room in the middle of the night for one tiny peek.

  CHAPTER TWO

  IT WAS HALLOWEEN. Knowing Jessica was waiting for him, Nick bypassed the park headquarters located in Moose, Wyoming, and drove the truck straight to the complex of ranch-style houses a couple of blocks away.

  He’d just come from the tailwaters below Jackson Lake Dam. The investigation to find out why there were so many young, dead, fine-spot cutthroat showing up was going to take time. The ones he’d just examined had gaping jaws, misshapen heads, trunks and spinal curvature denoting Myxosoma cerebralis.

  Tomorrow he would have to spend the day gathering samples from the soil and water to look for spores.

  “Hi, Dad!” his daughter called to him as he entered the kitchen from the garage. Her hair was in tiny rollers all over her head. “You’re only a half hour late! That’s pretty good for you.”

  Nick chuckled. “I timed it so I could test out your cupcakes.” He reached for a couple she’d iced with orange frosting and candy corn, and popped them in his mouth. “Umm, they’re good. I could eat a ton of them.”

  “No more!” She put out a hand to restrain him, but he managed to snatch another one. “You’re impossible!” But he detected a smile as she said it. “These are our contribution to the Halloween party.”

  “How soon do we have to be there?” The monthly get-together for the park employees at the teepee in Moose Village was something they always looked forward to.

  “As soon as you shower and change into your costume. They’re getting things going a lot earlier than usual so the little kids will have time to trick-or-treat.”

  He’d already started down the hall for his bedroom, but paused midstride. “What costume?”

  “I told you about it yesterday.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes…! As usual, your mind was on salmonid whirling disease or some such thing.”

  He burst into laughter. “If I’m not mistaken, that’s exactly what those cutthroats have. I’m going to make a biologist out of you yet.”

  “Maybe! Anyway, I put the outfit on your bed. Don’t touch anything until you’ve washed. You smell like dead trout. Yuck.”

  Besides possessing a razor-sharp brain, she was turning into quite the little homemaker. Fussy, fussy, fussy.

  A few minutes later he emerged from the shower and opened the garment bag from Brough’s Costume Rentals in Jackson. She’d draped it over the end of the bed. Inside was a man’s black suit with a black vest and white shirt. She’d gotten the sizes right.

  At first he assumed he would be escorting his daughter to the party as Count Dracula. That was until he saw the outrageous brown-and-white polka-dotted bow tie.

  “Are you dressed yet?” Jessica called.

  “Almost! Who am I supposed to be?”

  “Just a minute and you’ll find out!”

  As he was fastening the tie in place, a perfect facsimile of Little Orphan Annie appeared in the doorway. She’d taken out the rollers and had backcombed her red curls in a style that looked so much like the famous cartoon character, he was stunned.

  She wore a little red top and a skirt with white trim. To complete the outfit she’d donned knee-high white stockings and oxford shoes.

  “Figured it out yet?” Her heart-shaped mouth broke into an artless smile. For a moment it reminded him of another heart-shaped mouth. He’d loved everything about Jessica’s mother, especially that mouth he could never get enough of. No kiss was long enough, deep enough.

  The memory coming from out of the blue filled him with intense longing. If he’d received an actual physical wound, it couldn’t have been more painful.

  “There’s no doubt who you are,” he managed to murmur.

  “Here.” From behind her back she produced a full head mask. “Put it on.”

  He did her bidding. When he looked in the mirror he discovered bald-headed Daddy Warbucks staring back at him.

  “Don’t forget your cigar.”

  She handed it to him. His daughter had thought of everything.

  Too full of emotions—some that didn’t bear close scrutiny—he grabbed Jessica and swung her around. “We’re going to knock ’em dead tonight!”

  Her face broke out in a happy smile. “I think so, too. After Leslie drove me to the rental shop, she showed me how to do my hair.”

  “It’s perfect, honey.”

  His daughter was crazy about Leslie Gallagher, the new wife of Nick’s best friend, Pierce, the chief ranger of the park. Nick was pretty crazy about Leslie, too. Talk about the perfect woman.

  Six-year-old Cory Gallagher already called her Mom. As for Pierce, being deeply in love again after having lost his first wife in a plane crash had made a new man of him. />
  Some men were lucky. Pierce was twice lucky to have married the two women he’d fallen in love with.

  “Dad?”

  Nick blinked. “Yes?”

  “Are you all right?”

  “Of course. Why?”

  “Because I’ve been talking to you and you’re miles away.”

  Already the mask had made him claustrophobic. He pulled it off. “Sorry. I guess I couldn’t hear very well with this thing on.”

  “Do you mind wearing it?”

  “No,” he lied. “Do you know what? The only thing missing is Annie’s big yellow dog named Sandy.”

  “Cory offered to let us take Lucy on her leash.”

  Nick laughed. “Cute as she is, I’m afraid a basset hound would spoil the effect.” He remembered the day he and Pierce had brought the puppy home to Cory. What a happy moment that had been for Pierce’s boy.

  “I thought the same thing,” she said as they left the bedroom and started down the hall for the kitchen. “Leslie told him it wouldn’t have worked, anyway, because Lucy would have been too frightened by all the costumes.”

  “She’s right. Animals should be kept home and safe on a night like this. What’s Cory going to be?”

  “Sponge Bob.”

  “I should have known.”

  “Leslie glued a whole bunch of sponges to a box he’s wearing over his head. She’s so clever I can’t believe it!”

  Pierce’s wife had made a huge impact on his little teenager. Her advent into their world underlined Nick’s daughter’s need for a woman in her life. He had been able to provide Jessica everything but that.

  “Dare I ask if I’ll recognize her and Pierce?”

  “Nope. You’ll have to die of curiosity while you wait.” She rolled her big blue eyes, and he immediately thought of a similar pair of dancing blue eyes.

  Nick took a moment to ponder the reason for tonight’s painful recollection of past memories, then he realized it was because his daughter was growing up faster than he could imagine.

  Soon he would turn around and discover she’d become a woman. That day wasn’t far off. He suddenly felt old and wished to God he could stop the march of time.