Meant for Each Other Page 11

  "Because of him?" Wade demanded bitterly, giving her an angry little shake. Her hair resettled around her shoulders.

  Afraid he would discover what she'd been hiding, she averted her face. "Because of many things, not the least of which is the dishonor we would bring to Amy. Do you honestly imagine I could go to bed with you, then calmly meet the woman you're going to marry?"

  Her words reverberated in the kitchen as she pulled completely away from him. "And what about Alice and Clyde? My shame would never allow me to look them in the eye again.''

  A heavy silence pervaded the room. "Where does shame come into it? Answer me that!" he ground out with a ferocity that made her shiver.

  Kathryn clung to the sink for support. "We're family, for heaven's sake!" she shouted at him.

  "Only in the sense that when my father married Allie, we all came together as a unit. We've been over this ground before. You and I have no blood ties!"

  Her face crimsoned. "So that makes it all right for us to carry on a tawdry love affair behind their backs? Behind Amy's? I'm amazed you could even consider it!"

  He didn't answer right away, but something profound and painful was going on inside him, turning his eyes the dark green of an angry ocean. Unexpectedly he backed away and flipped off the tape player. ''If you're ready," he said quietly, "I'll take you home."

  She blinked in astonishment; she'd prepared for a battle and then discovered there was none. Bemused by the sudden turn of events and his change in behavior, she followed him silently out of the house to the truck. Something told her he would never again ask her to sleep with him. She should have been thankful that she had finally convinced him. Instead, the knowledge that he would never hold her or kiss her again plunged her into even darker despair.

  He didn't try to help her into the cab as he usually did, and this, as much as anything, let her know how completely he was severing all their ties.

  However, once they started down the dirt road, he confused her completely by telling her about the rest of his plans for the ranch, conversing in a friendly tone as if that emotion-filled scene in the kitchen had never taken place.

  "Next year, when the house is finished, I'm going to build a bunkhouse over there by the cabins to accommodate large groups at one end and store the rafting equipment at the other. When it's completed, the ranch will have a sleeping capacity of fifty."

  "I have no doubts it'll be a great success," she answered in a deceptively calm voice. "Who's going to help you run it?"

  "My wife, of course, plus a permanent cook and seasonal employees hired as necessary.''

  Kathryn felt a growing hysteria at the picture of Amy working alongside Wade, and she had no desire to ask more questions.

  "I've already mapped out a publicity campaign," he told her. "I'm running ads in papers and magazines back East that cater to families looking for Western vacations. And when things are slow, I have more than enough business as an accountant to keep me afloat.''

  He flashed her an unfathomable glance. "I'm telling you this so you'll be informed in case anyone wants to know what we've been up to for the the past few hours. And in case Allie wonders why I didn't come in when I dropped you off, you can tell her I haven't seen to the horses yet. Before I go to bed I'll phone the folks to say goodbye.''

  For the rest of the drive home, Kathryn stared out her window into the darkness with a grief too deep for tears.

  Wade pulled up in front of the house, not bothering to tum into the driveway the way he usually did. "Safe at last," he mocked with a hint of cruelty. "Delivered from a fate worse than ...death? Your conscience intact, your body inviolate. Sleep well, Aunt Kathryn."

  If he had knocked her down with one of those two by-fours she'd seen stacked outside his house, he couldn't have caused more pain. She scrambled out of the cab, one part of her desperate to get away from him, the other wanting to throw her arms around his neck and tell him she'd stay with him for as long as he desired her.

  Before she had taken two steps, he gunned the accelerator and sped onto the highway. She could only assume he meant to emphasize his intention of leaving her alone in future.

  "Was that Wade screeching down the road like a thundering herd was after him?" Clyde didn't sound too pleased as Kathryn entered the dining room where he was folding shirts into a suitcase. Guilt made her wonder if he was upset with her, too.

  "He wanted to come in, but he was worried about getting back to feed and water the horses, so he'll phone you in a while."

  Clyde shook his head. ''I'm afraid there's a lot more bothering Wade than the stock.'' He eyed her solemnly. "According to Laurel, he asked you over to the ranch this evening. Normally I wouldn't pry, but his behavior lately has been so out of character I wondered if you could enlighten me as to what's going on. You've always had a better rapport with him than any of us."

  Not after tonight, Kathryn cried inwardly. "I don't know what to say, Clyde. All he did was show me the ranch and talk about his plans for it."

  "Did he mention Amy?" "No."

  Clyde rubbed his neck. "I wish I knew what he was thinking these days.''

  "Perhaps he's one of those men who gets nervous before their wedding. I understand it's quite normal. Maybe that's what's wrong with Wade." Maybe it was, she reasoned to herself, but her own return to Afton had brought on unwanted complications. Her first instincts had been right. The sooner she left Wyoming, the better.

  "I'm afraid I can't really understand that, since I wanted to marry your sister from the first moment we met at my store. You were there, clinging to her hand. Remember?''

  Kathryn nodded. "But by then you'd already been married―to Wade's mother―and you knew how wonderful it could be." Her voice caught on the last few words. She cleared her throat. "Weren't you the slightest bit nervous before your wedding to her?"

  "No," he answered baldly. "We were only nineteen and didn't have the sense to know better, which was a good thing, since we didn't have a great deal of time together before cancer took her. If I'd had Wade's problem, he wouldn't have been born."

  Kathryn couldn't respond right away, because despite all the pain, a life that didn't include Wade was incomprehensible to her.

  "You're an amazing man, Clyde," she said softly. "No, just lucky enough to have met two marvelous women who've blessed my life. I wish I could say the same for you. If anyone deserves the very best, it's you.''

  She blinked back tears. "Not everyone's meant to be married."

  He grinned. ''Don't you believe it. That's pure propaganda. Everyone needs someone, but not all of us are fortunate enough to meet the right person and be able to do anything about it.''

  Kathryn turned away, closing her eyes tightly. Clyde couldn't have guessed about her and Wade, or he would never have said what he just did.

  She had met the right man, but that was where it had to end, for everyone's sake.

  "Do me a favor, Clyde, and enjoy your trip with Alice. Getting away will give you a new perspective on all this."

  "I think you're right."

  Feeling even greater guilt, she rushed to reassure him. "Eventually things will work out for the best. They have to!" She took a deep breath to control her quavering voice. "You and Alice are so lucky to have found each other. Make the most of this time together."

  He seemed to ponder her words for a moment, and then a warm smile lighted his face. "We intend to.

  Thanks for your wise counsel and for being here for the kids." He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. "By the way, they're planning to help you move into the apartment tomorrow."

  "I'm looking forward to it." Impulsively Kathryn threw her arms around Clyde. "I'll never be able to thank you enough for all you've done for me."

  "While we're gone, you might think about making Afton your permanent home. This family needs you." Sadness compounded her guilt. She loved Clyde for saying those words, but Afton could never be her permanent home.

  CHAPTER NINE

  NORMALLY THE FA
MILY walked to work, which was only a half mile down the road from the house. But because they'd gathered for breakfast to see Clyde and Alice off on their trip, Kathryn and the kids were running late and decided to leave for the store in John's car.

  Tourists were already lined up outside the front door when he put the key in the lock a few minutes after eight. Customers were in and out all day buying ice, picnic makings, batteries, film and a variety of other supplies. The three of them were kept busy until closing time. After work Kathryn bought her niece and nephew dinner at a nearby diner, and then they started moving her things to the apartment.

  The entire process took only half an hour to accomplish. During the move they talked about many things, but on the subject of Wade and Amy, every one was strangely silent. Kathryn had to admire John for behaving as if nothing was wrong when she knew he was miserable and preoccupied.

  It was a relief to finally say good-night. Kathryn rested against the door of her apartment, grateful to be by herself at last. From now on, no matter what pretext brought Wade to the house, she wouldn't be there. They never had to see each other again, not even if he needed supplies from the store. The second she noticed his truck pull into the drive, she'd make an excuse to the others and dash up to her apartment until he left.

  Letting out a sigh of disgust at her inability to stop dwelling on him, she hurried into her gleaming new shower and washed her hair. Afterward, she sat down on the blue-and-white-print sofa to write a letter to her best friend, Judy, who was married to an advertising executive and lived in the beach house next to Philip's in San Diego. She was a few years older than Kathryn, with three children. From the beginning the two women had taken to each other, and Judy's support after Kathryn's miscarriage had brought them even closer. Inevitably they shared confidences.

  She especially missed her warm caring friend right now and wished she hadn't talked Alice out of installing a phone in the apartment. But it had seemed a waste of money, since Kathryn didn't intend to stay in Afton.

  Craving a distraction, she turned on the TV, but without cable there wasn't much to choose from. In truth, nothing could take her mind off Wade. Still, she had to try, so she suffered through a succession of re runs until eleven, when she went to bed.

  The next day was a repeat of the first, with customers flocking to the store nonstop. Around four-thirty the phone rang. Since Kathryn was closest she answered it. The caller was Wade, the last person she'd expected to hear from. Though she'd been rushed off her feet all day, Wade had never left her thoughts. Hearing him say her name made her lose all awareness of where she was or what she was doing.

  "Y-yes?" She twisted the phone cord around her fingers. "Did you want to speak to John or Laurel?" "Not particularly. I'm leaving town in a few minutes and thought I'd better check in with the person in charge so no one sends out a search party when they discover I'm away from the ranch."

  She assumed he was referring to her accusations a few days earlier when he couldn't be found and everyone had gone looking for him. He was probably going to Salt Lake City to be with Amy. She gripped the receiver a little tighter. "How long will you be away?"

  "As long as it takes."

  She hated his condescension. This time she refused to rise to the bait. "I asked out of concern for your horses, in case you needed one of us to take care of them."

  "Does that mean you're offering?"

  Her face went hot and she turned toward the wall. "There are customers waiting. If you need help, then please say so."

  "As it happens, I don't."

  "Is there anything else?"

  ''Ask me that question the next time we're alone and find out.''

  She was on the verge of telling him there wouldn't be a next time when she heard a click, followed by the dial tone.

  Slowly she replaced the receiver. "Aunt Kathryn? What's wrong? Who was on the phone?"

  She forgot to fake a smile as she whirled around to face John. "It was Wade. He's leaving town shortly."

  "Did he say he was going to Amy's?"

  The pain in his voice was real and heart-wrenching. During the past few summers, she'd seen John in various stages of infatuation, but his behavior since she'd come to Afton convinced her he was genuinely in love. Who could have imagined a scenario as twisted and confused as theirs had become?

  To ward off an attack of nerves, she started straightening the counter. "No. He only said he'd be away from the ranch for a while and didn't want us to worry when we couldn't find him."

  John swore softly. Then he seemed to regain control of himself and waited on a customer needing a fishing license. It was just as well they were too busy to talk, since Kathryn suffered from the same affliction he did. They both wanted someone who could never belong to them, and the torment continued.

  Business remained brisk until closing. Once they'd locked up for the night, Cindy came by for Laurel, and John took off in his car. From her apartment window Kathryn watched them go their separate ways, yet all she could think about was Wade. She was almost certain he'd be with Amy tonight and possibly for several other nights, as well. She wondered if they stayed at her house or went off someplace.

  Kathryn knew of men who were engaged or married but still had affairs with other women. Somehow Wade didn't fit that picture, and yet wasn't he doing precisely the same thing? Tonight he was with his fiancée, whereas two nights ago he'd been kissing Kathryn and expecting her to spend the night with him at the ranch.

  Maybe she should have made love with him. It might have helped get this burning desire for him out of her system. Her longing for him seemed to increase daily, and she couldn't imagine how she'd make it through the rest of her life feeling as she did.

  Over the next few days she worked until she was ready to drop. After waiting on customers from eight in the morning until seven in the evening, she spent her nights at the house canning fruit as a welcome-home present for Alice. When Laurel and John offered their help, she declined and told them to go off and do whatever they wanted. Kathryn liked being so exhausted that, when she went back to her apartment, she fell asleep the minute her head touched the pillow. In fact, that was the purpose-to fill every waking moment with activity, to shut out fantasies about Wade.

  By Friday she'd finished her canning project and decided to go to bed early, since she and Laurel planned to take a long bike ride the following morning and not report for work until lunchtime. John had suggested they take the whole day off, claiming he had nothing to do but run the store and would manage without them.

  Laurel had accepted his offer; she'd already confided to Kathryn that she knew he was missing Amy, which was why he preferred to work long hours. It was a way of coping, as Kathryn knew all too well. Besides, Laurel had always been close to her brother, and Kathryn didn't question her niece's perception.

  What did surprise her was Laurel's admission that she and her mother had talked a great deal about John's infatuation with Amy and that they'd concluded it was more serious than first supposed. Secretly Kathryn agreed with that assessment, but refrained from commenting on it. Anxious to change the subject, she'd suggested they get an early start on their bikes the following morning, before the heat became too stifling. Laurel concurred and they arranged to meet in front of the store at seven.

  Not long after Kathryn had gone to sleep, something disturbed her. She decided she wasn't yet accustomed to every night sound in her new apartment and tried to go back to sleep. But when she heard knocking followed by a male voice, she quickly sat up in bed.

  Since no one could reach her apartment without getting inside the store first, it had to be John. She wondered what would bring him over here this late at night.

  She slid out of bed, threw on a robe and hurried into the living room.

  The knocking grew louder. "Kathryn? I know you're in there. Open the door."

  Her heart tripped over itself. "Wade?"

  "You sound terrified. I'm sorry if I frightened you, but since you can't be rea
ched by phone, I had no other choice."

  "Is something wrong at home?"

  "No."

  Swallowing hard, she said, "Then couldn't this wait until morning? I'm tired and I have to get up early."

  "Let me in, Kathryn, otherwise I'll use my key. Is that what you want?"

  The forceful tone of his voice told her he meant it. As soon as she opened the door, he swept past her and shut it again before turning to her with eyes that scorched wherever they touched. He was dressed in a black T-shirt and jeans. He looked so good she had the hysterical desire to throw herself into his arms.

  But to remove temptation she did the opposite and backed away from him. "You shouldn't be here, Wade. If someone happens to see your truck outside this time of night, it'll raise all sorts of questions."

  He stood there with his hands on his lean hips, as if he was the host and she the intruder. "Very few people know the upstairs of the store is occupied, and in any event, no one would question my right to be here, regardless of the hour.'

  She cinched the belt of her robe a little tighter. "Why have you come? The last―”

  "The last time we were together," he interrupted tersely, "you told me you couldn't let me near you because your conscience wouldn't allow you to make love to an engaged man. Correct me if I'm wrong."

  Kathryn made an inarticulate sound in her throat before she managed to speak. "Wade, I don't understand what you're trying to do to me, but I'd like you to leave."

  "Why?" he asked, taking a step toward her. "Why should I? There's no reason for me to go. I'm no longer engaged to Amy."

  "What?" The room started to tip crazily.

  "You heard me. It's the reason I went to Salt Lake, to break it off with her. If you don't believe me, call the house. John will verify it, because I've just come from there. I've explained to him that Amy and I are through and that I'm reasonably certain she wants comforting from him.

  Kathryn shook her head. "I don't believe it."